Archives for posts with tag: Co-wife

It has been atleast two weeks since my Co and I had a real conversation as companions. I guess I call myself not speaking to her. Those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning know that she and I were friends before we became co-wives…

It’s been 6 months and I don’t think she excepts me as her Co… Better yet she still hasn’t excepted me as her family. The truth is that it hurts me that she feels this way. No, she’s never said it but we all knw actions speak louder than words.

Her refusal to except the reality of me being her co has consequently effected our companionship. And no, I’m not trying to force her but I feel like sometimes she needs to put herself in my shoes. Sometimes I feel like she feels my marriage to our husband should be out of sight, out of mind. However I’m learning that that way of thinking causes her to think that she can turn matters regarding FAMILY in to a ‘her’ thing.

A few weeks ago she said something that really hurt my feelings and I just haven’t been able to shake it. I want to talk to her about it but my emotions are still in a bad place. I don’t want to say anything that would cause enmity between us… But I miss my companion.

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It has been a while since my last entry. Thanks to some advice from one of my followers, I felt it was best not to blog when Shaytaan is whispering to me. Rather, I should wait until the smoke clears and I’m thinking rationally. Thanks Ukhti 😉

The last few weeks have been… Well lets just say that polygany definitely requires that you fear Allah ta’ala even more than you thought you already did. As you know I told you that we were all sharing one vehicle and walhamdulillah the stress that bought to all of us is beginning to dwindle down. I been getting my butt on the bus and doing a helluva lot of walking! Lol. I consider it to be Allah ta’alas mercy on me. As I ride or walk I get time to reflect. I get time to sight-see without cars beeping at me because I’m drifting into their lane as my mind wonders. I get time to walk with my daughters and hold their hands, to watch them gaze out of the window as I wonder what they are thinking about.

My Co-Wife and I are that… My Co-Wife and I. I think every now and then the women in a polygenous marriage should take a break from eachother. Not because your upset with eachother, but to give your sisterhood and friendship a chance to catch up. You get so caught up in the fact that you share this man and sharing a bond through sisterhood and friendship kind of goes on the back-burner. It’s funny because both of our 8 year-old daughters had to get a break from eachother too! Lol. I am sure it’s a woman thing!

I have been getting a little homesick. I’ve been missing my Nana a lot. I actually had the audacity to ask my husband if I could spend the night at my Nana’s… He said ‘no’, but it was okay cause I ended up calling her on Tango. I don’t know what’s up with my homesickness. I just hope it’s an acute case.

Lately, it’s been feeling like my husband is my husband, but also my father. I feel like I’m getting raised and molded into a better person. A person with a better heart. There are things I thought to be right or true and as of lately, things are happing to cause my husband to take a step back and realize that for me to be a good wife, I have to be a good Muslim. Our Islam is our Islam. My faith won’t be at the level of someone else’s and vise versa. A strong suit he has is that he is good at implementing what he learns, maa shaa’allah, walhamdulillah. Once he learns something he puts it into practice. If he doesn’t understand it fully he leaves it be until he does. He’s not affraid to say, ‘I don’t know.’ He may not be able to tell you about a hadith word for word or exactly what ayah Allah said such-and-such, but if your on a topic he knows exactly what to say from the quran and sunnah to back up what he says. I have always admired that about him, maa shaa’allah. I beg Allah to preserve those qualities in him. Ameen.

Myself on the other hand… I am the memorizer. The learner. One who reads a book in it’s entirety and then reads it again to take notes. The one who can tell you about some of the great scholars of Islaam from their birth to their death but my implementing of the religion needs some work. I’m learning that before I start diving into these advanced matters of Islaam I need to get the fundamentals in full force. “A house can’t be built without pillars…”, he says. So I’m taking a step back to take a refresher course that will nurture my soul.

The new addition to the family will be 2 months soon, inshaallah. He is so beautiful, maa shaa’allah and he knows me!!!!! Lol. That’s the best part 🙂 I have a bond with him that I can’t explain. I told my Co she needs a phone with a front facing camera so I can Tango him everyday (as if I won’t see him during the week! Lol)

We are growing spritually as a family and it’s one of the most beautiful experiences in the world. We are building a support system that at times may have glitches but nothing that the Speech of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (sallahu alayhi was sallam) can’t fix…

Everything is Everything! Alhamdullillah.

 

Even when you and your co-wife have a good relationship there will still be differences. You parent differently, have different mannerisms, interact with your spouse differently, etc… You will not always see eye to eye on every matter. These are things that Im learning to cope with, inshaallah.
Im am very much an independent. Most of the time it’s beneficial, but sometimes my husband would like me to depend on him for certain things. And I’ll be honest, it irritates me a little. My Co, is the opposite and since he’s used to her dependence, he expects me to be more dependent.
I raise my children to be independent and strong-willed. To have their own opinions. Im finding that my co-wife and I have very different parenting styles, and i think sometimes she a bit bothered by it.
Im understanding that a sister in Islam, companion, and co-wife are completely different roles. I think we are learning how to separate them without causing eachother harm.
Sometimes I laugh to myself when she has irritated me and think, “I love this lady…” She is my bestfriend even though we have differences.
Sometimes I feel bad for our husband. He’s on an emotional roller coaster that he’ll never be able to get off of! Lol. My co-wife is coping with having a new-born baby and a co-wife, and Im coping with being in love primarily for the pleasure of Allah for the first time in my life and finally finding my worth, walhamdulillah.
I look in my husband’s eyes sometime and can tell that his thoughts are all over the place. He always worries about us. I wish he’d worry about himself too. I wish he’d do somethings for himself. Inshaallah she and I will be okay. I can’t imagine that it’s easy having two wives who are very different and being the man who loves them….

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Today feels like a new beginning with my children… They went to school. My 8 year old has been home-schooled and my 2 year old has been home. I have been crying all morning! My husband told me to just get over it. ‘How dare he!’ 

If I had it my way, my children would always be home. Yes I confess, I am a stalker mom. But I am realizing that my big girl needs to be able to get out and spread her wings. She goes to an Islamic school and she’s there with my co-wive’s daughters who are 8 and 5 years old. My little one was the hardest to let go. She’s my puddin’. The thought of her sharing her laugh, smile, temper tantrums, sneakiness, and cleverness makes me very emotional. She is also in an Islamic setting. I believe in Allah and everything He has informed me of so I know that this is His Decree and that He wouldn’t put more on me than I can bare… Sheeeesh! Motherhood is just so darn trying some days!  

And in other news!!! I am almost finished Season 1 of Sister Wives. If you are a co-wife and watch the show you have probably already tried to decide which one of Kody’s wives you are more like (personality wise). I see myself as a combo of Christine and the new Wife, Robin. Christine is very cheerful, good with the children, open about her feelings, supportive, and she seems like she may be a really great friend to the other wives. Robin is just happy to be a part of the team and to have a man who loves her and her children. I think she keeps the other wives on their toes. 

Things are well with my co-wife and I. We don’t talk much on the phone or text now that she has the baby and I completely understand. I do miss her though. But let me tell you, I love that baby! He is super-d-duper cute! I can’t wait until he’s potty trained cause once that happens, It’s gonna be me and him hanging out! Lol. And yes, he must be using the potty to hang with me. My baby is finally in panties and I am so grateful that my days of pampers/pull-ups is over. Allahu Akbar!

My husband seems to be adapting well to the polygamous life. He seems more comfortable now than he did when he first took me on the team. His being settled definitely helps the family dynamic A LOT. Inshaallah, I will be getting a job at a hospital as a patient services rep, it will require that I work every other Saturday. I am desperately trying to get my husband to change our nights around a bit. Instead of 2 and 2, I want him to do 2, 2, 3. This would enable my co-wife and I to have him home for weekend nights. And of course I would prefer that her weekends be the weekends that I work on Saturdays 😉 And I am more than willing to agree to missing a night or two so that my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights fall on the weekends that I don’t have to work. As with all things, Allah knows best. 

I don’t know how my Co feels, but when he leaves in the middle of the weekend my schedule feels thrown off. He and I are both off on weekends currently so when he’s home on the weekend I feel like that’s our wind down time together from our busy work-weeks. During the week it’s pretty much dinner, try to chill together until we fall asleep, and then back to work. I don’t really feel like I get enough ‘face-time’ on my nights. However, let me make this clear, I am NOT complaining. Surely I make the best out of the time I have with my husband, but I think as our life is changing some other things will have to change too.  

Alhamdulillah for every circumstance!                       

My co-wife and I are rebuilding our relationship. This brings joy to my heart because often times she has been my voice of reason or the ear to listen. I think she’s an amazing woman. Our husband and I recently moved into our new home and since this move, she and I have been closer… and he and I have been closer. 

I have always been the type to feel like it doesn’t make a difference if I have a man or not. I can do for myself… But this time around is different. I always miss him. On my nights I don’t even sleep because I don’t want to miss anything. I have two nights so I gotta make the best of it. Even if I’m a little sleep deprived! Lol. 

Inshaallah, this Friday is what they call, ‘Black Friday’. My co-wife wants to go out and shop. Me… I’m not so sure. I don’t do well with crowds. From what I’ve seen on TV, the people camp outside the store and I even remember one year someone was killed from getting trampled on entering the store. She’s given the invitation so I guess I should go… I’ll just bring my pepper spray! Lol.