As the days to the arrival of my husband and my co-wife’s baby boy nears I find that I am becoming increasingly moody, but the only one who recognizes it is… me.

I feel like I need to do something with myself. While everyone else, including the children, will be ooowing and aaahhhing at the baby (myself included :), I have the desire to do something that will take my mind away from the changes about to take place in our family. My companion, who is also my husband’s cousin, thinks that I’m crazy for thinking that things will change once the baby is here, however, I know I’m not crazy… I take Zoloft for that.

A friend texted me some info for a qur’an memorization class happening at the Masjid. Now normally, I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of being around a bunch of women in any setting… especially the Germantown Masjid setting, but my heart has been longing for some sort of class anyway. Since qur’an memorization is right up my alley, I thought this would be good for me… However, the man thought differently. So here I am, WordPressing so I don’t go ballistic on my husband.

According to him, taking qur’an classes is not a good idea right now. The ‘timing is wrong’, he says. He says that I need to be working on building my family right now considering that we married 2 months ago, just moved a month ago, are trying to get my girls in school, and still need to get some thing straight around the house. All of this along with  both of us having jobs and him having a baby soon… And I get all of that, but how does a qur’an memorization class on Sundays from 12:30p-2p interfere with that?!

“Those are the times of the day when I’ll need you.” He says. But what about the times of the day when I need myself, I thought. So I pouted, but the truth is I don’t think he’ll understand why this class in a need for me unless I say plain and clear, “I want to go to this class because I need to do whatever I can to keep me in remembrance  of Allah. While you and your wife are having a baby and enjoying this experience. I want an experience that I can enjoy. I don’t want to sit around and think about the two of you. I want to fill my heart with something beneficial that will Inshaallah, be a repellent from Shaytan and his helpers…”. Or something to that effect.

I hate that I even feel this way. I love my Co-Co and my husband and wallahi, I am excited about the new edition to the family. It’s not even about the baby. I have never felt this way before but I beg Allah not to leave me to myself even for the blinking of an eye.