Although I have been married before and in a polygamous marriage, I will say that this is the first time I have been with a man who actually does his best to implement qur’an was sunnah. 

Submission to Allah covers more of your life than you think. All the way down to how you raise your children, to the way you shop, and even your interaction with your husband. I grew up in an environment where if you want something, go get it. Don’t depend on anyone if you are more than able to do it yourself… and so that’s how its been. In the past I’ve married men with no job and having the, ‘I can do it myself’, attitude. Marrying my husband has been a rude awakening to say the least. 

The first time he paid the rent I was happy but at the same time angry. Is he trying to take my independence away from me? I’m not a charity case… but then again I am. I’m his wife. So what the heck was I upset about?!

I find myself becoming a better Muslim… a better Believer in this marriage. So why is submitting so hard sometimes?! Allah says that the men are the supporters and maintainers of the women. I need to just let this man support and maintain me… but it irks me. I don’t want to get handicapped. I’m afraid that if I let him do what he needs to do that in the event that he can’t, I’ll be lost in the sauce. He keeps telling me to, ‘rely upon Allah… not me.’ And my mouth says I am, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking, ‘make sure you have a backup plan just in case…’. 

I been begging Allah to allow me to submit to his will and to purify my heart of thinking that I am self-sufficient. Verily, it’s not about my husband. It’s about the Will, Might, and Power of Allah and my ability to submit to it.